Skip to main content

tinderriffic

Ever wondered what goes through a girl's mind when she's on Tinder?
  • ugh, shirtless shot, gross - NOPE
  • first photo is you drinking beer and pulling a finger sign? what are you, 20? - NOPE
  • oh look you have a motorbike. and you ride it sometimes. look, there it is again. and again. ummm, do you have a face? oh there it is. - NOPE
  • just one photo. just one? do you think you're so attractive that one single photo is enough to catch my interest? - NOPE
  • oh look you're smiling! you have a nice open face. nice to see your eyes. no profile tho. hmmmm. ok but only because you smiled. - YES
  • naked torso - NOPE
  • naked torso - NOPE
  • photo with bikini babes, seriously? why would that attract me? is it supposed to act like a reference? - NOPE
  • naked torso - NOPE
  • tank top with generic brand like elwood - NOPE
  • four photos, none smiling - NOPE
  • oh another smile! yay! AND a bio! AND you have interests apart from sport and alcohol. i'm actually swooning. - YES
  • bio has snapchat in it - NOPE
  • oh crap i know you, that's awkward. do i say yes? no? have you seen me on here already? eee! panic! - NOPE
  • too lazy to even find a good photo - NOPE
  • ohh look another bio... oh, you like going out with friends AND staying at home sometimes? such an individual. so unique - NOPE
  • bio says you like "awesome chicks" up for a "fun time". honey if all i wanted was an unsatisfying sexual encounter i'd just go to the pub. - NOPE
  • bio says you like the gym. and sport. and keeping fit. i can barely contain my excitement at all the conversations we can have about protein powder. - NOPE
  • naked torso - NOPE
  • naked torso - NOPE
  • bikini babes - NOPE
  • naked torso - NOPE
  • tank top with generic brand like elwood - NOPE
  • OH MY GOD I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE
  • ice-cream
I wonder what it's like from the guy's side? I suspect, from the number of unconsummated matches I get, that it's like this:
  • female?  - YES
  • female?  - YES
  • female?  - YES
  • female?  - YES
  • female?  - YES
  • Fake Bill Murray? haha pretty funny - YES
followed by scrolling through your matches for....
  • slut? no. - NOPE
  • slut? no. - NOPE
  • slut? no. - NOPE
  • slut? no. - NOPE
  • slut? no. - NOPE
  • Fake Bill Murray? haha pretty funny - YES
  • OH MY GOD I'LL NEVER HAVE SEX AGAIN
  • beer
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

seeking...

Post a Comment
Read more

autumn sunrise

Autumn. Six in the morning and I've been wide awake since four. Tried to reclaim sleep for a while then the rooster crowed around five and my thoughts turned to the sunrise. I haven't watched one in a while, since I lived near the ocean several years ago and worked every second week in the desert with 5am starts. I prefer sunrise over sunset; it is so beautiful and so fleeting, analogous to life. With a coffee I came and sat in the garden. We are on a slope so I can see the ground fall away below me, the dam to my left and in front of me a tree, wearing her yellow autumn colours which are visible even in this still-dark of the morning. For a while - too long - I look at my garden and start to plan. An entertaining area to my left that overlooks the dam. A small wall to carve out an area of flatness. Curves that skate around the contours, bringing a sense of order. Then I wipe the slate clean and try to keep it more natural with just grass, garden, no walls of stone... Th...
Post a Comment
Read more