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tinderriffic

Ever wondered what goes through a girl's mind when she's on Tinder?
  • ugh, shirtless shot, gross - NOPE
  • first photo is you drinking beer and pulling a finger sign? what are you, 20? - NOPE
  • oh look you have a motorbike. and you ride it sometimes. look, there it is again. and again. ummm, do you have a face? oh there it is. - NOPE
  • just one photo. just one? do you think you're so attractive that one single photo is enough to catch my interest? - NOPE
  • oh look you're smiling! you have a nice open face. nice to see your eyes. no profile tho. hmmmm. ok but only because you smiled. - YES
  • naked torso - NOPE
  • naked torso - NOPE
  • photo with bikini babes, seriously? why would that attract me? is it supposed to act like a reference? - NOPE
  • naked torso - NOPE
  • tank top with generic brand like elwood - NOPE
  • four photos, none smiling - NOPE
  • oh another smile! yay! AND a bio! AND you have interests apart from sport and alcohol. i'm actually swooning. - YES
  • bio has snapchat in it - NOPE
  • oh crap i know you, that's awkward. do i say yes? no? have you seen me on here already? eee! panic! - NOPE
  • too lazy to even find a good photo - NOPE
  • ohh look another bio... oh, you like going out with friends AND staying at home sometimes? such an individual. so unique - NOPE
  • bio says you like "awesome chicks" up for a "fun time". honey if all i wanted was an unsatisfying sexual encounter i'd just go to the pub. - NOPE
  • bio says you like the gym. and sport. and keeping fit. i can barely contain my excitement at all the conversations we can have about protein powder. - NOPE
  • naked torso - NOPE
  • naked torso - NOPE
  • bikini babes - NOPE
  • naked torso - NOPE
  • tank top with generic brand like elwood - NOPE
  • OH MY GOD I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE
  • ice-cream
I wonder what it's like from the guy's side? I suspect, from the number of unconsummated matches I get, that it's like this:
  • female?  - YES
  • female?  - YES
  • female?  - YES
  • female?  - YES
  • female?  - YES
  • Fake Bill Murray? haha pretty funny - YES
followed by scrolling through your matches for....
  • slut? no. - NOPE
  • slut? no. - NOPE
  • slut? no. - NOPE
  • slut? no. - NOPE
  • slut? no. - NOPE
  • Fake Bill Murray? haha pretty funny - YES
  • OH MY GOD I'LL NEVER HAVE SEX AGAIN
  • beer
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